A Spoof of Avatar: The Last Airbender
by matoran
Summary: My friend and I are cowriting a spoof of Avatar. The Reader's Digest version: Everything is backwards. Aang, Katara, and Sokka are these relentless evil people, Zuko likes to bake, Zhao is really nice, and Iroh is constantly offering poisoned tea.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Long ago, there was chaos between the four nations: the Earth Kingdom, the Fire Nation, the Air Nomads, and the Water Tribe. There was no balance and the world was chaotic. The it all changed.

The Fire Nation formed a massive group of their best soldiers by order of Fire Lord Souzen. This group went all over the world bringing peace, harmony, and balance, with them everywhere they went. Everyone was finally getting along and happiness was spreading.

There was only one person capable of stopping the Fire Nation: the Avatar, master of all four elements. Bent on keeping discord between between the nations, the Avatar was the most feared person on the planet. Just when it seemed he would explode in a chaotic fury, he mysteriously disappeared.

The four nations could only assume that the reincarnation cycle had been broken. With the Avatar gone, the Fire Nation would have no one to stop them. People soon grew used to the idea that there was no Avatar, and began listening the Fire Nation's ideas of peace.

For one hundred years the Fire Nation fights for their cause. They are now under the rule of Fire Lord Ozai, who marks the third generation that has been in charge of the movement. Now almost everyone has abandoned any fears of the Avatar's return, and the fight continues...


	2. Chapter 1

Righty-o. Here is my lame attempt at humor. - Things are not exactly the way they are in the episode but oh well…

Ch.1: Wherein a penguin named Joe takes over the world!!! …or not. Fine. A random guy is found in a popsicle but who cares? Joe is much more cooler!

A small boat appears on the screen. It is small, unimportant, and will have only one showing on the screen before disappearing forever from our hearts and minds. (sniff)

Anyways, in the boat, two VERY important people resided. They were important not because they were (secretly) the son and daughter of the GREAT village chief who was feared by EVERYONE in his time and has had many GREAT adventures before conquering the world but then being dethroned by none other than some random guy in pink who has an obsessive passion with cooking—(this of course, was VERY secret, SO secret in fact, that not even the Avatar Creators themselves knew this), but because they (will) be two of our main characters! Yay! But moving on…

The girl on the left was standing up, (which her brother on the right had told her many times that that was very stupid and dangerous thing to do in a boat but was ignored) with a _very_ angry expression on her face. She was currently using her awesome Waterbending Skillz—yes, 'Skillz' with a capital 'S' and a 'z'—to vent out her anger on the poor innocent ugly little fish. Behind her sat a boy, who had long ago given up on trying to reason with his sister about the dangers of standing up, sewing bright yellow smiley faces onto a random piece of blue cloth. Suddenly, he spoke up, but didn't look up from his work. (The awesomeness of multi-tasking! Ha!)

"I _still_ don't know why you won't let me sew smiley faces onto your clothes, Katara. They make any day so bright and sunny!"

The girl, Katara, by now had stopped venting out her anger on the stupid fish. Now, instead, she whirled around to face her brother. "You idiot! We're supposed to be _fishing,_ not sewing smiley faces and staring at our reflections!"

The boy looked up, a little confused. "But I _never_ stare at my reflection…that's what _you _do, _all_ the time."

Katara, who had been busy surveying herself in the water's reflection, now shot a glare at him. "I do not! And stop that stupid sewing, Sokka!" With that, she quickly grabbed the cloth and threw it into the water. The blue cloth quickly disappeared in the fast moving current only to reappear miles away in front of a glacier with a ton of penguins on it. A random penguin named Joe hobbled over to the edge and stared at the smiley face for a while. Then, Joe bent down and…ate it. Stupid Joe. Doesn't he know that anyone who eats smiley faces is cursed for a thousand years of horrible, horrible bad luck? But anyways…

"_Katara!!_ That was my last smiley face!!! Now how can I promote peace, love, equality, and at the same time bring a sunny disposition to peoples' lives?" Sokka screamed, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

Katara's eyes, however, were now twitching with agitation and the _huge_ glacier behind her was starting to crack. "That's it! Now I'm going to have to do all the chores again, _including_ washing your ever clean and sparkling socks!!"

Sokka let out a scream of blood-curling horror. "_WHAT??_ But that's _my_ job—"

"You un-selfish—"

Sokka glanced wearily at the still-cracking glacier behind them… "Katara—"

"—Un-sexist—"

"Katara, that glacier—"

"—overly mature—"

"Katara, will you just—"

"—What kind of guy are you?!" Katara finished, just as the glacier finally had enough with the cracking and just decided to go ahead and explode. With a scream of utmost terror, the siblings were hurled to the bottom of the canoe.

"Ow…" Sokka whimpered as he sat up. "Now if only you listened to me and not carelessly smashed the glacier—"

"You mean, _I_ did that?" Katara gasped, then an evil glint settled in her eyes when Sokka nodded. She leapt up. "Yes!! My Skillz have been perfected! I am one step closer to WORLD DOMINATION!!! Now _this_ is what I'm talking about!! Now you pathetic glaciers drifting oh so peacefully over there, FEEL MY WRATH!!!" And with a maniac laugh, Katara began to randomly attack the peacefully oblivious glaciers.

Sokka, meanwhile, took out a pencil and a mini notebook. He quickly flipped it open and began to jot down some notes, such as: 'note to self: Sister seems to be obsessed with destruction' and 'Sister talks to self, sign of possible insanity'. Yes, Sokka's dream was to be a world-renown psychologist; otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered with such detailed notes. But sadly, his dreams would be crushed in just a few paragraphs.

Meanwhile, completely oblivious to the above stated fact, Sokka paused quickly at that last note before coming to a horrifying conclusion: His sister was presenting all the characteristics that his dad presented! Not to mention Mom! And Gran-Gran! And the entire village for that extent! Sokka let out a dramatic gasp. The horror! Maybe he was adopted…

He stopped right then though, for he just realized that instead of smashing more glaciers, his sister was actually maneuvering them closer to the boat! Sokka let out another dramatic gasp. Jumping up heroically, he grabbed his sister, and shoved them both out of the boat and onto a random (and conveniently flat) piece of drifting ice as the rest of the glaciers smashed the poor canoe into smithereens.

Sokka sighed in relief before cheering. "We're OKAY!!!" But Katara just fumed.

"_Now_ how will we get home, you idiot?!"

Sokka rolled his eyes. "Easy! We will create makeshift paddles from these broken pieces of ice and _paddle_ home using the direction of the sun as a guide!"

"…_That_ is the dumbest idea I have _ever_ hear—ARGH!!! THE WATER _GLOWS_!!!!" Katara let out a blood-curling scream as she started to run around the small piece of ice in panic.

Sokka just shook his head slowly. He was used to his sister acting so, for the entire village acted the same way. It seemed to run in the family. He began to wonder yet again if whether he wasn't _really_ adopted…

Then, he looked over the side.

"OOOOOH!!! THE SPARKLINESS!!!" And thus a new fangirl—er boy. Fan_boy_. –was born, all because of some sparkly water. Sparkliness will one day take over this world, I tell you! Beware!!!

Suddenly, out of the water shot up a huge circular glacier. Why? Because it felt like it, that's why! Anyways, it was glowing a faint blue, and the swirls of the glacier looked very much like an image of a skull and crossbones, but Sokka was too busy lamenting on the disappearance of the sparkliness to care. And he would have gone on lamenting, if Katara had not kicked him in the head as she pointed to the glacier. "Can I keep it? Please?"

Sokka blinked, only just noticing the glacier and sighed. Great. Now his sister wanted a pet glacier. What next? Oreos randomly falling from the sky? Actually…Sokka wouldn't have minded that. It would beat having to eat fish all the time…

Suddenly, he let out…a dramatic gasp! "There's a person in there!"

Katara shrugged. "So? If he's stupid enough to get himself frozen, then why bother unfreezing him? Besides, I want that glacier!"

"But Katara—"

"No!"

"Katara," Sokka sighed, before continuing dramatically, "the Great and All Powerful Deities up there, controlling our fates and our insignificant lives, have chosen us to save this poor creature that hath unluckily frozen himself in this glacier! We must do as these Great and All Powerful Deities command lest we anger them—"

"Don't care." Katara snapped. "They can go to hell for all I care."

Sokka immediately dropped the drama. "Fine. If you rescue him, I'll make you those muffins you like so much."

Katara's eyes went wide. "The ones with the sprinkles?"

Sokka nodded. "Yes, the ones that have enough sugar in them to make you fat within two or three years."

Katara squealed in happiness as she grabbed Sokka's weapon from his hands and hopped over some bits of frozen ice towards the frozen icicle—er, person.

Sokka blinked in surprise then followed his sister, only he took the conveniently formed path right next to the small bits of ice.

&

Meanwhile, sailing the waters far, far away…okay…not _that_ far away…okay okay, maybe actually quite close by, was a Fire Nation ship. It was painted a very random and very solemn black, since the Fire Nation had run out of standardized pink. But, on the side was the standard Fire Nation insigma: an insanely huge yellow smiley face. Underneath it was the standard logo: "Spreading love, peace, happiness and equality around the world! Join the Fire Nation (F.N) now!". And underneath that, in small yellow letters, was the Fire Nation registry information and contact number.

Anyways, on the deck of the boat, a young teen (dressed in the standard hot-pink-and-baby-blue armor with small flowers scattered everywhere on it and with a scar the shape of an oreo cookie on his face) sat comfortably on the deck, holding a bowl of noodles while watching an old man fighting two random soldiers (all were dressed in the standard hot-pink-and-baby-blue armor with small flowers). The old man had an angry snarl on his face, however, as he brutally attacked the poor, innocent, cookie-baking soldiers.

With a harsh warrior yell, the old man managed to send both soldiers to the floor of the deck. Triumphant, the old man grinned and turned to the teen. "Now _THAT,_ Prince Zuko, is how you defeat your opponents."

Zuko blinked, chewing slowly on the noodles. "Uncle, how many times have I told you to call me 'Zuko'? Or just simply 'Z'? We are all equal here, there are no need for honorifics. And besides, I haven't mastered my basics yet." He paused a little, ignoring the fact that his uncle was turning the color of a tomato from anger. "Basics are the best and surest way to defeat your opponents—"

Enough was enough. "There's no need for BASICS!!" Z's uncle, Iroh, screamed. "Cheating and playing dirty will get you a MUCH better result! Now get in there and practice!"

Z blinked again and sighed, placing the noodles on the deck. He stood but then glanced at his watch, which suddenly started to beep a victory tune. "Whoops! Sorry uncle! I can't, my favorite soap is starting in less than two minutes! Can't miss Lollita!" And without another word, he rushed off.

Iroh stood dumbfounded for a second, before snarling and shoving one of the random firebender soldiers off of the ship and watched gleefully as the poor random bender turned into an icicle from the frigid temperatures of the arctic water. No one knew that thousands of years later, two random Waterbenders would find him and the random soldier would begin his amazing adventures with those two--…but that's another story for another time. The soldier turned into an icicle…for now…

&

Sokka built his fifteenth little ice-man (there was no snow) as he listened to his sister diligently hack off the ice from the glacier. They had officially wasted their entire afternoon here. Honestly, how did the guy manage to get himself frozen THAT much?

Another hour later, Sokka finally heard the satisfying sound of the glacier beginning to crack apart. Light flooded the place and a beam of light shot up into the sky. But naturally, the two ignored that, since this was obviously something they saw everyday.

"Who told you you could disturb my beauty sleep?!"

Sokka nearly jumped out of his skin when a boy, merely twelve years old and with a strange skull-shaped tattoo on his forehead, suddenly jumped out of the glacier and yelled at them.

Katara, however, stayed perfectly calm as she pointed to her brother. "He did."

The boy narrowed his eyes at Sokka. "You imbecile! You do not wake people without their consent!"

Sokka blinked, not understanding why you couldn't wake people up, he did it all the time, and who the hell was this kid? "Uh…who are you?"

The boy stared at him before turning away, muttering to himself. "It seems that I am surrounded by simpletons. Ah well." He turned back to them. "I am called Aang, not 'A-man' or 'A', but _Aang._ Got it?"

Sokka nodded mutely and Katara gasped. "THAT is the UGLIEST thing I've EVER seen!!"

Aang narrowed his eyes at her but then realized that she was pointing to the large fluffy beast behind him, which also had a skull on its head. "Oh. That's Appa, my flying bison."

Appa yawned and eyed the two new creatures in front of him. _Can I eat them?_ He thought as he licked his lips.

Aang quickly put a hand on Appa's nose. "Not yet, my friend. These two can still be of use to us…" He murmured to Appa before laughing manically. "Now…" He turned back to the two. "Take me to your people."

&

Z stared at the beam of light suddenly shooting into the sky. Checking his watch, he blinked in surprise. "I thought the fireworks weren't supposed to start till seven?"

Iroh slapped his forehead. "You idiot! That was the sign! THE SIGN!!! The avatar has finally returned! Our search is finally OVER!!"

Z blinked and looked tearfully into the horizon. "But I haven't gotten to visit Kangaroo Island yet…"

&

The next morning, Aang was standing on the top of the snow wall, staring over his domain. All right, so it wasn't his yet, but give him a few more days…

"Hear me, ye pathetic mortals! I am Aang, the AVATAR!! I have come to you from a distant land and now I shall make this world right again! Now I shall go with my two slaves to interrogate the natives in this area and find out how long I've been gone and what has happened in the time I've been frozen!" He announced to the people beneath him, and hinted Katara and Sokka to follow. Sokka looked apprehensive about the whole thing and made up some lame excuse about how he had chores to do so he couldn't go. Aang, taking one look at the pathetic excuse of a village before him, decided that he could stay, IF he makes some stewed sea-prunes by the time he and Katara returned.

Aang, of course, completely ignored the fact that the village folk could have simply given him the answers and instead, went off on a completely useless journey. But by the fifth step, he was tired, so he had Katara run off and catch him a penguin which he could ride instead.

The poor penguin, Joe, was now forced to slide everywhere with the Avatar on his back. But that was what you get for eating that smiley face, Joe!

Anyways, they went and accidentally found a huge, ugly pink ship in the middle of nowhere.

Katara gasped. "THE PINK!! ARGH!! IT'S HORRID!!!"

Aang gasped too. "PINK?! HOW DARE THEY REPLACE THE STANDARD ORANGE?? Orange was bad enough, but THIS??? WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS? I MUST EXPLORE THIS SHIP TO FURTHER UNDERSTAND!!!"

With that, they clambered onto the ship and unwittingly set off one of it's flares…which in reality was just a firework carelessly left behind on Music Night, but no one knew that.


End file.
